Chapter 18 - What Lily Asked Me at Ten Years Old
The question finally came when Lily was ten.
"Mom, why did you and Dad get divorced?"
I had known it would come.
Still, nothing prepares you.
Marcus and I had agreed years earlier that neither of us would lie.
But neither would we burden her with adult details she didn't need.
"Your dad made choices that hurt our marriage."
"Did he cheat?"
Children hear things.
I paused.
"Yes."
Her eyes filled.
"On you?"
"Yes."
She looked furious.
Exactly like me.
"I hate him."
"No."
She looked surprised.
"You don't have to hate someone because they hurt me."
"But he—"
"Your relationship with your father belongs to you."
She went quiet.
"Did you forgive him?"
Complicated question.
"I stopped needing him to suffer."
"Is that forgiveness?"
"Maybe part of it."
She thought about that.
Then asked:
"Why didn't you marry him again?"
"Because forgiveness doesn't always mean returning to the relationship."
"Do you still love him?"
I smiled.
"Yes. Differently."
She nodded as though this made perfect sense.
Children sometimes understand complexity better than adults.
That weekend she visited Marcus.
He later called me.
"She asked me."
"I know."
"I told her the truth."
"Thank you."
"She was angry."
"She'll work through it."
Marcus became quiet.
"Claire?"
"Yes?"
"You never poisoned her against me."
"No."
"You could have."
"I know."
"Why didn't you?"
I looked outside.
Lily's bicycle was lying in the grass.
"Because she was born from our marriage. If I taught her that everything about us was ugly, eventually she'd wonder what that made her."
Marcus didn't speak for several seconds.
Finally:
"Thank you."
This time I accepted it.
May you like
"You're welcome."
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